Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
