he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
