Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
