Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
