Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
