I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
