I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
oh god the rape fog is back!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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