Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
