Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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