I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
