I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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