Kiss
Puke
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
