we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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