garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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