im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
