at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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