So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
