Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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