I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
