i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
