did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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