My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
