Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
