She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
