Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
