Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
