so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
