K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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