He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
