Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
