The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
