Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Who died my cat blue again?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize