Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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