woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
