I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
