from now on my penis is your penis
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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