omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
