I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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