Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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