I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I wear drunk well.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
