don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
