I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
