just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
