that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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