somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
