wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
