I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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