Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
