just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
