did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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