I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
