Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
