When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
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answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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