just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
