I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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