You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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