i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
