sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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