They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
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It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
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I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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