Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
