I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize