No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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