the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This baby is an asshole
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
