I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I will pee on everything he values.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
