just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
