allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
