your parents love me but you hate me
Me too!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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