the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
