now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
