Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
