i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
