The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
